To the girl whom I once loved the most

September 01, 2017


I know am a handful. I need reassurance and sometimes am emotionally empty. Everyone has their highs and lows. I've been to some dark places but I've been to some heavenly places  as well. But i just want someone who chooses me too. I don't love mediocrely or half-assed. I want to love you unconditionally. I'll always choose you even if there are days or a time you can't choose me. I want to love you on the good days, the bad days, even the days your unsure. I'd stay with your at odd hours just to know your okay, it doesn't matter all the time, but I'll be patient with your soul. I'll listen to you , if ur crying, angry, even silence if yuh have nth to say. I want you to be able to tell I love you, but if you need reassurance i want to be able to give you that too. I want to show you that passion exist within small things. I'll fall in love with your little things too. Your freckles beneath my fingertips that connect like constellations which forms your into my universe. The color of your eyes, the way they focus and watch me. The curve of your lips, that tell a story. I don't want to fall in love with you, with the touch of my hand but in fact with my soul. And you'll be cherished, regardless of our past. And every spark, flame and current has a chance to burn out, or to stop. But love is anything but perfect. And neither are we. But we can grow together, become better individuals. And if it ever comes to an end at least  we took a risk of falling in love again. And maybe we can find pieces of ourselves.  And i believe you won't need a holiday like Valentine's Day to feel my love for you, because I'll try my hardest everyday to show you.

But karma is strange. As it happened between us too. Made ourselves live without each other. Some miles away, with a different way of living. And you even got it's side as all you did was left me broken into pieces that made me go through a series of anti depression courses and yeah some of their tablets too. I don't know whether your love for me was true or not. But baby trust me, the love we made were diamonds. Later to which you  crushed down with your silly reasons. Yeah, you can blame me for everything that has happened between us. The love, those good old days and yeah those mesmerizing laughter on us. Now all those feels are gone. I don't know whether I'll be able to hear your voice or see your face but hey, trust me you are always welcome in this life for me. No, no its not the sympathy thing or my way of begging you for that love. But its because I still look for your face in the crowd, if you could see me now. Gosh, those days. Those fine days to be true are the days in which I lived my life to the fullest. But now, since we've aparted, I wanna let know you that your one of the best thing ever happened to me.

And today, no matter how hard I try to forget you . Ur memories haunt me more than my fear for my future. And I just want to question you . Do you miss me ? Do you get haunted by my memories too ? Do you ? Are you happy with the world that your living in ? Are you satisfied with all of this happening between us ? If yes then what is stopping you ? If no then just give me a hint, and I will silently walk out from your life, like I never existed. And I know you'll say the later one. And am fine with that too. I know you'll never come back. I promise I'll never even let my shadow to come to you. And I just want to thank you for ruining me completely. Am never going to be able to give anyone all of me because most of me is with you. But trust me I'll be okay. I really hope the guy you love next makes you as happy as I tried to and I hope you fall in love with him like I wanted you to with me. I hope you guys work out and everything becomes okay but always remember that no one can love you like I do and your always going to have a piece of my heart if not all of it. And dear, if your reading this there's a last thing i wanna tell you after all these days "I love you and this is my goodbye."


P.S. : So, years from now, when you are still trying to find peace, don't be surprised when you find yourself waking up one day and accepting the fact you already lost what you are desperately seeking. ✌✌ You'll always be remembered though.



About Author:

Name :- Poozan Chandra Timilsina
Instagram :- @poozan15 
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